So I have 100% neglected this blog, which sucks. I was at a borderline abusive job, that I thankfully got out of and am now working one full time job and one part time job that I actually enjoy. I’d love to be able to blame the horrible people at my previous job for my negative headspace and lack of inspiration, but honestly I’m the only one held accountable. Even though I wasn’t happy and very stressed out, I still could have kept up with this as an escape. Instead I looked at all my social media outlets as another job, and I was too exhausted to put myself out there fully for another thing while working for this awful company.
Thank you for getting through that super negative intro with me, but I needed to clear the air. Right now I am diving head first into sustainability again. I’ve become much more dedicated to my instagram, and I am putting together multiple ideas for my youtube channel. Somehow I am working more hours than I ever have, and yet I am less tired and drained than before. I am using all this new found passion and energy to try and make the most out of all my social media platforms.
After writing for Earth911, I was tapped out of ideas for articles. I’ve also noticed that a lot of influencers and content creators don’t have a personal outlet. So I’ve decided to turn this more into a live journal style blog. (shout out 2005) Some place I can look back and hold myself accountable. A place where I can write the articles that people ask for, or need for their personal lifestyles. But more importantly, a place where I can go completely off brand. I need a place to vent, or to just flow without having to worry if someone is going to read it, or not.
I obviously still have this blog linked on everything I put out on the internet, so I’m not necessarily hiding it, but I’m not going to advertise it anymore and ask people to read.
Some successes I am proud of this year so far:
I went back to school. Albeit one class, that I’ve already failed and am taking again. But I was never a great student, I just happened to be smart enough to skate by. I never really studied or knew how to allocate all my time so that I could learn and succeed properly. That is now kicking me in the butt, aggressively. I decided to take math since that is my most challenging subject, and the pace of the class is way too fast for me. I spend about 3 hours every other day just on this online class. I’m super frustrated and I feel really dumb, but I still persist because I want to see this through. Hopefully my pace picks up once I remember a lot of the topics and my memories from high school kick in, because if not – see you at graduation, Class of 2050!
Another success is using my days off to be productive. Before, when I was at the job that shall not be named, I was so emotionally and physically drained that on my days off I would just veg out watching Netflix and eating junk food, “because I deserved it”. This year I decided to buy the subscription to one of my favorite youtubers, Raw Alignment. One of the first steps was to create a mantra for yourself and I wrote: “Be relaxed, not lazy.”
I don’t need to “reward” myself for being an adult with treating myself like a child. Instead I have been doing some chores, and going to the beach. Or being productive in a way that’s fun. Some good music, my oil diffuser, Pickle snoring, and some good cleaning, is a great way to relax but stay productive for me. The biggest change I’ve noticed is I don’t feel like absolute shit the day after my day off. Because I’m not eating junk food and staying sedentary, and instead treating myself to things like over priced green juice, or over priced raw vegan food and going for a walk, I’m still relaxed but I am not sabotaging my future self.
I cannot tell you enough times:
Be relaxed, not lazy.
Some goals I have for myself:
Get more youtube videos out there that are poor quality. I don’t think I have amazing quality videos currently, but I tend to spend days creating one video and then I don’t have time to create another one for awhile since it takes so long. I really want to start doing “montage, visual story, music only” type videos of my days off. I live in such a beautiful city and neighborhood and I want to show it off! It will help me with my editing and camera skills, without having to write a script and plan out a bunch of sections of topics or skills I want to get through.
I also want to start being more financially responsible. For a little while I was making enough money where I didn’t need to check the prices of things (read: groceries, that’s literally my only expense outside of bills. What’s shopping?), and I could still afford my bills. I was still living above my means, but I wasn’t stressed when a bill came. I am now at a point where I can’t afford to breathe.
Pickle has been pretty sick since the start of the year and we are planning our wedding. I keep having to wait until every payday to do one simple thing for the big day and I can’t handle that anymore. We’ve thought about a gofundme for Pickle since the journey isn’t over and it could stay the same as it is now and we’d go broke. But I feel like rescuing a sick dog and then complaining you can’t afford the sick dog is a little hypocritical. Granted what she was sick with when we got her was just an expensive surgery fix, and everything happening now are things we never could have predicted – I still feel like a bad mom if I ask for help at this moment in time.
My first step to making myself be more financially responsible is I am declining very cheap add-ons to everything. Every cent counts right now, so for every metaphorical “would you like to super size that” I will say no. Some examples are, chips with my chipotle. (yes, eating out is expensive, but if I don’t have time to make lunch, Chipotle is clutch since it costs about $8.00 and I eat it for two meals. $4.00 for each meal isn’t bad). A bag of chips at the store is the same price as Chipotle’s teeny bag of chips. Yes, I’m only saving a dollar and change, but that will add up – hopefully.
I also have started my second job, and that’s helping a lot. I can’t tell at the moment if I want to spend all the money from my second job on wedding stuff and bills, or if I want to put it in savings in case Pickle needs another procedure in the near future.
Well that’s about it for now. If you’ve read all of this, you’re amazing. I’ll be updating this more frequently and I can’t wait for where my passion for sustainability will take me next! If you’re reading this and want to help? Share my youtube videos! I make a teeny tiny amount off of them, but more importantly, views = credibility. So the more views I have, the more collaborations will happen.
Thanks for supporting me!